Firing a friend, or dropping someone you’re close to, is never fun.
It’s painful. It can be messy. And it’s extremely awkward the moment you two realize that nothing is going to be the same anymore.
But in my opinion, firing a friend is a necessary part of life in a world of constant change.
Because sometimes you meet people when you’re in a bad place, or by random chance, that just aren’t the best person for you to hang around with in the long run (or the short term).
Maybe they helped you get on your feet last year, but this year you’re a different person and you can’t keep progressing with them around.
It’s not that they’re a terrible person, though often times they are, it’s just that you two don’t work together for whatever reason.
Think about this.
As little kids we want to be liked by everyone.
As middle schoolers we notice that we enjoy spending time with some kids more than others, but we still want to be popular.
And in high school it’s clique-world where we only want to spend time with our like-minded group.
As you get older you start to realize that not all personalities work together. Two people can be so different where they have nothing in common—or too similar where they clash—that the relationship will never run smoothly.
On a scale some people will always bring more bad times than good to you. The secret is to spend the most time with people who give life to your days, not take your joy.
And unless you’re a masochist (someone who enjoys pain) it’s best for you that you drop this friend from your life. After all, this infographic from Happify shows how good friends make us happier.
This message is for you: You probably need to drop your friend if they show any of the seven signs below.
Signs Of Bad Friends
1. Their negativity is toxic.
Negativity is a disease that eats away at people’s happiness, whether it comes internally or externally. (That’s why I suggest everyone takes this 7 day challenge.)
But some friends don’t feel good about themselves and the old saying goes that “misery loves company.” So they’ll infect you with their negativity and use you as a punching back if you let them.
For example, something amazing happens—you get the new job, salary raise, significant other, vacation booked—and you’re pumped up out of your mind.
But you know not to tell your one friend about it because they’ll find something negative to say. It’s just in their DNA to put a rainy cloud on your sunny day.
So you hide it from them and wait until they hear it from someone else or wait a few days later to appreciate the happiness a bit longer.
That’s not normal. A good friendship is when you enjoy sharing good news with them and celebrating. That’s how it’s supposed to be, but Negative Nellie doesn’t get it.
I’d have a serious conversation about their negativity. And if they don’t care to work on it, then I’d reconsider spending time with them.
2. The relationship is all about them.
This type of friend also needs to be evaluated because they’re locked in to focusing on one person only—themselves.
Common scenarios include your friend cutting you off, never listening to anything you have to say or feel, one upping you with a better story in public, and sharing your secrets publicly at your expense for a laugh.
You’d consider it a miracle if they ever genuinely asked about your day and feelings.
Because the second you bring up yourself, they change the subject to what they think. And that communicates it all right there. They want you for their sake, but no because they’re interested in you.
That’s not ok. Relationships should be give and take—not take, take, take.
Your friend should be curious about how you’re doing, what’s new, what’s good, and what you’re struggling with to see if they can help. Friends are people to go to for support and venting.
If your friend only tilts the conversation one way, it may be time to kick them to the curb for a better friend.
3. They use you.
At the core, a relationship is between two mutually connected people.
But bad friendships look more like your friend standing on your back. And the minute you want to get up, they threaten the friendship.
They are blatant about how they use you and the ugly part is they have no intention to stop. It’s 100% about them and 0% about you.
On the odd day they do something for you, their sole motive is to bring it up later so they can use you again and hold that favor over your head for way too long. That’s evil!
These bad friends take advantage of your friends, money, connections, family members, and you. And they leave you depleted in the wake.
Or if they accomplished what they wanted to and no longer need you, you can tell who these people are by their immediate lack of communication and quality time right after.
But they’ll come around once they think of a way to use you again because they suck.
4. They bad mouth the people you love.
Quality friends look out for your best interest. Bad friends look out for their own interests ahead of yours.
If you’ve got a bad friend, odds are they’re going to rip on your significant other and try to divide you two. Why? Because their jealous of the time and attention no longer coming to them.
You being happy because of someone else can’t happen in their selfish word.
They’ll make negative comments, spread rumors, and start drama all in a secret ops mission to break you two apart. They could careless about you being happy if they’re personally not happy.
(Now if your relationship isn’t healthy and you’re with someone who brings out the worst in you, that’s a completely different story. You might have a good friend who is looking out for you. Use proper judgement and get a second opinion.)
They’ll also make fun of your other friends, family members, or people close to you because they’re insecure and need a way to feel good about themselves in front of you.
People have messed with their head and made them feel bad about themselves, so they feel the urge to do the same to you.
Drama follows them because they invite it in with their words and actions. And unless you’re an actor who enjoys real-life drama for extra practice, I’d consider dropping them like a bad habit.
5. You don’t like who you become with them.
There are two types of friends: good influences and bad influences.
Now some bad influences aren’t really that bad. They may make you stay up later than you should, or go on long road trips where you question the logic of the adventure.
That’s not the terrible friends I’m discussing here.
I’m talking about the bad influences who if you continue to hang out with them, you’re likely to become an alcoholic, drug addict, or cheater for life.
They’re with the devil on your shoulder that always wins out over the angel on your other shoulder. They whisper that you should cheat on your significant other, take advantage of the drunk at the bar, or skip work to day-drink.
Sure they’re fun in the moment, but your soul knows you don’t like who you become when you spend time with them. For example, you feel unreal at night but the next morning brings a bunch of shame and guilt that won’t go away.
And you can’t live true to yourself if you have friends who influence you to act like you know is wrong.
Those actions only end in regret.
So cut the friend off before you become a worse version of yourself.
6. You’re the only one making any effort.
Bad friends never put much effort into the relationship.
Now if they need you to do something for them, they’ll be the first to reach out. But if you’re not specifically useful in the moment, you’re the last person on their mind.
These people never text you first. They rarely respond when you text them. And when you ask to hang out, they lie and say they need to catch up on work—until you see their Instagram story and they’re out with other friends.
Honestly, if you didn’t reach out to them, how long would you two go without hanging out or talking? If you don’t know the answer, then you’re the only one trying to make this friendship work.
And it’s probably in your best interest to invest in friendships that care just as much about you as you do about them.
7. You’re exhausted after hanging out with them.
I don’t know about you, but I prefer to spend my time around people who uplift me and give me energy. Those are the best hang outs because it’s a positive vibe the entire time.
But I can’t put up with the guys and girls who suck all my energy from me because of their antics and high-school-like drama. I always question why I agreed to hang out when I leave feeling negative and depressed.
Albert Einstein said it best with, “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” It’s insane to have bad friends and hope they won’t disappoint you.
Now I’m wiser and realize I’m too old for those kinds of people. It’s just not worth it when the result is mental and emotional exhaustion.
If you fire those friends, then you open up more time to spend with people who energize you. You’ll notice the difference right away, trust me—I have experience with firing friends.
How To Fire A Friend
The First Exchange
Before you make a rash decision and immediately toss friends to the wayside, first give them a chance to hear you out.
You never know, maybe you’ve got them all wrong and they actually do care about you. They’re just oblivious or have bad habits that they’re willing to change.
But it is time to be direct with how you’re feeling if you’re going to salvage the friendship. I recommend you follow these three steps.
Step 1: Honestly express your feelings
Though you can do this by texting, emailing, or writing a letter—if you’re old school—I recommend talking to them on the phone or meeting in person.
And don’t overthink it. Just bring up what’s been bothering you and how it makes you feel.
Your language is key here. It’s best to start sentences with your feelings instead of what they’ve done wrong. And don’t talk in extremes using words like “always” or “never.”
For example, use phrases like, “I sometimes feel like,” instead of on the attack phrases like, “You always.”
The main goal is to communicate your honest feelings, not start a fight.
Step 2: See how they respond
Next, you must give them a chance to respond and be sure to listen to what they’re saying.
It can be hard to go into the conversation with an open mind if you’ve been wronged, but fight your pride to open your ears.
Hear them out and listen to their side of the story.
You may pick up new insight that you never realized. Maybe they’re going through a really tough family crisis, stressed about work, or some other external problem that has them on edge, and they accidentally took it out on you.
If they apologize and you appreciate their response, then keep an eye on how they act going forward. At the very least, it’s good news you two both want to save the friendship.
But if you two don’t see eye-to-eye and they have no intention to change, then you most likely want to skip Step 3 and cut the friendship off.
Step 3: Monitor how they act going forward
Hopefully they turn around and treat you better. If that happens, you don’t need to fire them!
Great job to save your friendship.
But many people don’t change. Or they will make a change in the first week because they know you’re mad, and then they’ll go back to their old ways like you two never had a talk.
When they’re still a bad friend after your talk, there comes a time when you have to choose your own happiness over hurting someone else’s feelings.
And don’t feel bad like you’re the bad guy. They decided the friendship didn’t mean much to them based on how they acted. You’re just responding.
Cut The Friendship Off
If you have a friend (or a few) who continues to bring too much negativity to your life, it’s time for them to go.
You’ve made your concerns and expectations clear in your first talk. And they’re not interested in being a good friend.
When that’s the case, there are three options (one good option) to break up your friendship.
Option one is to make a big scene by confronting them in person, yelling, and bringing up every time they’ve disrespected you. But unless you have your own reality TV show and cameras following your day-to-day activities, you don’t want a messy break up.
The goal is to be as drama free as possible in firing your friend. So I don’t recommend you make a scene.
Option two is to say, “Bye, Felicia,” and never speak to your friend again. Ghosting them is one way to do it.
And even though never answering their texts or calls is drama free, it’s also a childish action that doesn’t provide closure.
That’s why I recommend option three—you respectfully drop a friend through communicating with them. It’s best for them and you. Here’s what to do in this uncomfortable situation.
Give them a call and express how you feel (again, don’t use extreme language or attack).
Say you brought up your concern and since nothing has changed for the long term, you don’t want to hang out anymore. And wish them the best.
Although it’s short and sweet, it’s not going to be easy, because they’re (previously) your friend after all. But you have to go through with this and fire a friend for your happiness.
Choose Your Happiness
In my transition from high school to college, I fired a bunch of friends because I outgrew them. And even in my transition through college to the real world I also had to fire friends for my happiness.
Was it easy? No.
But since I’ve cut these people out, I’ve found freedom to be myself and strive to become the best version of me.
Do you know how refreshing that feels?
That means I’m no longer tied down to negative people and feelings that only got in my way of being happy.
I no longer have to waste another second living a life not true to myself and doing stupid things to please people who don’t care about me.
It’s a simple math problem of addition by subtraction. In getting rid of bad friends, I’m more fulfilled than ever.
So I encourage you to first reflect about your friendships. Think if you have any friends who only drag you down. That’s not how true friendship is supposed to be.
If you have some friends in mind, go talk to them about your concerns and feelings.
Give them a chance to come around and mend the relationship. But if things don’t change, you have to look out for your own happiness and cut them off.
You’ll be better off for it!
And as a motivational send off of why you’re doing this, read these quotes:
My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me. – Henry Ford
A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself. – Jim Morrison
One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives. – Euripides
Telling Yourself ‘My Life Sucks’? Try Again
If you catch yourself saying, “You know what, my life really sucks right now,” odds are you’re delusional. Life is the greatest gift you’ll ever be given—even with its downsides.
Though I’ll admit there have been times in my life where I could relate to that negative attitude because, as much as I wish I was, I’m not always grateful.
For example, I specifically remember being suspended for a week during my senior year of high school basketball.
It was a little embarrassing. I didn’t get to see my friends on the team at practice or go to any team activities. I wasn’t able to play in games on a team I worked so hard to make. And the suspension relegated me from the starting lineup to the bottom of the roster when I came back—I had to earned the coach’s trust again, so he said.
That felt like the end of the world to an 18-year-old kid. I definitely said, “My life sucks,” a few times during that leave from the team.
When in reality, my actions didn’t make me an angel on that team. My reckless behavior got the best of me with the coaches and contributed to my sucky situation.
Plus, I had no clue how good I had it if getting suspended from a basketball team was the worst thing that happened. Other people my age were struggling with homelessness, hunger, and abuse. Apparently I thought the sun revolved around me.
The takeaway here is life didn’t suck during my basketball crisis, my actions leading up to that suspension and my mindset during the experience were the problems.
If I fixed either of those, I wouldn’t have gotten suspended for one, and I would have saved a ton of wasted energy and stress.
Whatever Sucks, You Can Change It
If you were hoping to get some sympathy here—I’m sorry but this is not the blog for you.
Because even if life is supposed to be fair—it’s not—how does complaining about something make it any better? How does that help you recover and move forward?
Exactly, it doesn’t.
Whatever is currently the part of your life that sucks, you can do two things: change your actions and/or have a better attitude.
If your job sucks
Dislike your job? Put in the work to go on a job search to land a better position that’s more aligned with your passion, pays more, or is closer to home. If you’re not qualified or don’t have the experience, bust your butt to improve. For those who stay at a job they hate for an extended amount of time, you have no one to blame but yourself.
An attitude switch would look like self-talk saying, “I know this job isn’t my favorite, but think about the experience and connections I’m getting. Or at least I can pay my bills because of it—some people would gladly switch places with me.” Finding a little good, even if it’s not a dream job, is the goal.
If your social life sucks
Anyone who doesn’t have as many friends and weekend invites as they want is simply not making enough effort. You need to introduce yourself to more strangers and reconnect with old friends. When you increase those introductions, you’ll find things in common and boom—friendship. Or just get a dog and you’ll have a new best friend right then and there. The only one impeding your social life is you.
You can also flip your mindset. I, for one, value quality of friends over quantity of friends. That’s one way to look at it. And the less friends you have can is sometimes good since you won’t be dragged to as many events you’re not interested in. Always consider the positives of a situation.
If your money situation sucks
Getting your money right comes down to thousands of small decisions that add up. If you’re in a bad place financially, I’m willing to bet you’re not saving enough, paying down debt, and investing extra money left over. It all comes down to your daily money decisions. Besides saving more, you need to seriously start reading about personal finance. Knowledge is not only power, it’s wealth.
If you have a bed to sleep on, food to eat, and clothes to warm yourself every single day, just remember that millions of people across the world are worse off than you. Consider people in rural Africa, Asia, and India, or the homeless in your city, to stop feeling sorry for yourself. And watch this video to feel rich when you’re broke.
If your romantic life sucks
Look at your actions first. Try meeting guys/girls at different locations than you usually do if you’re striking out. Ask one of the friends you trust to set you up. Experiment dating a guy/girl who isn’t normally your type. The key is different activity to get a different and better result: a parter you trust and love.
As for mindset, it’s key to understand the goal shouldn’t be to date for the heck of it, but to understand yourself and date the right person who makes you happy. Realize also that there isn’t just one guy or girl out there for you—but thousands of people find you interesting. Be confident in who you are and have faith you’ll meet the right person.
If your living location sucks
Like I’ve heard the saying before, “You’re not a tree, you can move anytime.” There are plenty of ways to improve your location. Go on a job search for a position in your favorite city. Save up money to make the big move if that’s the problem. Or stay put and travel more often to limit the amount of weekends you spend at home.
Maybe it’s best to stay put and change your attitude. Consider the idea that living at home, or in some particular city, is the best financial move in this season of your life. Think about how this process of building up your financial resources, before you can move to your favorite city, is teaching you patience.
If your family sucks
Finding it tough to build a closer relationship with your parents or siblings? Maybe it’s you. Try giving them the most kindness and patience you can muster. At least you’ll feel good knowing you made a serious effort to love on them better. And when you have your own family you can fill it with so much love that your kid always feels known and cared for.
As for attitude, you need to realize that you don’t get to pick your family. But be thankful your dad and mom conceived you, at the very least, you know? Without them, there’s no you. So they must have done something right.
If your physical body sucks
These actions are obvious. Start eating for energy and hit the gym if you’re tired of looking like a noodle or a slob. No one can improve your body fat except you. Plus, start getting enough sleep and living a healthy life in all aspects to train your mind and body to be discipline around temptation. That’s how you improve your physical appearance.
Mentally, whose body are you comparing yours to? Does your body actually suck? Or is it not perfect according to the media’s impossible standards? Maybe your body is good you just think it’s bad for the wrong reasons.
I hope in each case you saw how life doesn’t suck. You can change it through actions and attitude.
Make The Most Of The Present, You Only Got One Life
“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this.” – Henry David Thoreau
It’s insanity to worry about the past and unhelpful to get carried away by future anxiety that may never happen.
You’ll be healthier and happier when you focus on doing your best this very moment.
What’s crazy about this world is that the treasure—each moment—is hidden in plain sight. It’s right in front of us every day, just few of us notice.
It’s the air we breathe through our lungs, the ability to open our eyes and see, and the touch when hugging a loved one. Over time we take them for granted when we’d be best off cherishing the special moments of each day.
I’m making a more conscious effort to make the most of my one life, are you going to join me?
And before you click away, skim these two blog posts for a few tips on how to do that:
If you take those two challenges seriously and actually do them, they can change your entire perspective on life.
18 Things I Wish Someone Would Have Told Me When I Was 18
You ever want to go back in time? I do, and if I could, I’d tell myself 18 things that would have helped me live a more peaceful and happier life.
The discomforting issue is I’m certain the people around me, definitely my parents, already told my teenager self most of these lessons. But I didn’t listen.
I guess it’s true that some things you just need to learn for yourself.
Anyway, now I’m 24 years old and 6 years removed from my cocky, anti-establishment attitude that got me in a world of trouble, such as: getting detentions every other day in high school, getting suspended twice from the varsity basketball team, and getting two misdemeanors for disrupting the peace.
I’m wiser from these mistakes and on a mission to save a kid like myself from the hard-hitting consequences of being young and reckless.
Please be aware I don’t claim to know it at all, hardly the opposite. Though I’ve learned some valuable lessons and if it helps 18 year olds or anyone of any age out there live better, I did my job.
These are the 18 things I wish I would have known as a young guy who thought he know it all but didn’t know anything.
1. Make mistakes, not permanent damage to your future.
Like Frankie Ballard’s country song goes, “How am I ever gonna get to be old and wise. If I ain’t ever young and crazy?”
You can be crazy as long as you’re not idiotic and ruin your future with a bad decision you can’t ever get back. Got it?
There’s a big difference between a mistake and irreconcilable damage. One brings positive fruits like experience, wisdom, and knowledge, the other toils bad fruits like stress, loss of future opportunities, and a ruined reputation.
Getting in a minor car accident, breaking team rules, and missing your shift of work are all mistakes.
Drinking and driving, cyberbullying, and sexual assault, are all risks of permanent damage to your future.
Have fun. But be smart in the process.
2. Not every authority figure is right but not all are wrong, listen to the wise.
I got the first half of this part right, but I applied it across the board to every authority figure. If you were my teacher, principal, coach, friend’s parent, it was basically game over for me listening to you.
My mentality was whoever tries to put limits on me is only getting in the way of my fun. There’s no way I’m listening to those old farts.
Little did I know at the time that wisdom does come with age and not every authority figure should be ignored.
Looking back, my mom spoke the truth in so many areas when it came to spiritual, relationship, and family topics. I just didn’t internalize it until I had to learn the hard way for myself.
If you’re already an angel at 18 ignore this one. But if you’re a bad kid like me then the truth is not everyone is out to get you. Listen to the good ones.
3. You’re not your stuff, find meaning in who you are.
The media and big corporations will do everything they can to convince you confidence comes from the things you own, not who you are.
That’s a lie. Please resist the urge to put your value in your things.
For one, there’s always going to be someone who has more than you and it’s a tireless game where you end up short in the long run any way you play.
Two, you’re an amazing, unique individual that has incredible talents to offer the world. Though you only get in your own way if you put the focus on your stuff and not your innate gifts.
Love yourself. Learn about what makes you special. And most importantly, put meaning in who you are now and the person you want to grow into as you mature in age.
Putting your identity in material items leads to emptiness, where finding the best version of you leads to fulfillment.
4. Relax, hard things always pass over time.
As a youngster it’s easy to get carried away by an unfortunate circumstance. The dramatic part of your brain will think this negative situation is permanent, impossible to solve.
Truth disagrees. It’ll tell you that time is always moving forward. So your worst days are only 24 hours. Your worst weeks are only 7 days. And your worst years are only 365 days. Then you get to start fresh.
If you’re having a hard time getting the attention of someone you like, feeling homesick at college, or failing to get the jobs you worked hard for, relax and remember all difficult moments will pass.
Hang in there and don’t ever give up on life. The good news is strength comes from overcoming the struggles life throws at you.
5. Your body is not invincible, so don’t act like it.
As a high schooler I’d do ridiculous things with my body that were both out of control and deserved far worse than what actually happened. Reason being is I thought I was invincible.
For example, I’d get into road rage with fellow drivers and throw water bottles back and forth at each other while going 80 MPH on the highway. I’d get into physical altercations with friends far bigger than me where I wasn’t going to win no matter what I did. And I’d go days without sleeping on the weekend just for the heck of it, only to fall asleep behind the wheel in the middle of the night.
Did anything send me to emergency room or the grave? No, but I every easily could have lost a limb or my life by acting this way.
Don’t put yourself in excessive danger when it comes to your freedom or ability to live, it’s plain and simple not worth it.
6. You can really do whatever you set your mind to.
There are going to be external and internal naysayers all around telling you why you can’t do something. But they’re all wrong if you set your mind on doing it.
I had teachers in high school say I’d never amount to more than a prison inmate, along with our negative forecasts on my life. But I used that as motivation and proved them wrong to put together one of the best college careers they’ve ever seen.
And if brilliant people can make incorrect predictions about the future like the ones in that article, so can your parents, teachers, and the doubtful part of you about your life.
Do you want to walk on a college Division 1 football team with the goal of playing? What about reaching 1 million YouTube subscribers? Or what about making a full-time living from your Instagram profile? Truly nothing is impossible, especially with the internet these days.
Follow the process, keep the faith, and trust that you can achieve what you set out to—no matter how long it takes.
7. School is a game, learn how to master it and you’ll always win.
I struggled to get by in high school but graduated summa cum laude at the top of my class in college. What was the difference?
Everything changed the moment I figured out that school is all a game to be won or lost. Once you master the game, classes don’t change for the most part so you can repeat what you learned and come out on top in every college class going forward.
The entire process of taking notes, writing papers, building relationships with teachers, and studying for tests has rules and ways to score points if you know what you’re doing. No class is scary after you see the light.
This is a shameless plug because I’m confident in the material: Order my book How To College to learn how to game the school system and come out on top.
8. Find work you’re on fire about.
The average person spends 45 hours a week at a job they honestly only show up for because they need the paycheck. That’s miserable to trade time for money every working day of your life.
Screw the idea that you should do what your parent’s think you should. Don’t listen to the people-pleaser part of you who considers choosing a career to impress other people. And forget about picking a job for the money.
It sounds weird since this word is almost always used in a negative connotation, but be selfish about the career you pick. Find work you get fired up just thinking about and are filled with passion when you do it.
When (the keyword is “when) you pull this mission off, you’ll get the ultimate reward of doing what you love every single work day. You can’t top that!
9. Friends come and go, but family is forever.
Look, you’re 18 and are convinced you’re too cool for school. I get it. I was there.
The reality is you wouldn’t be much without your parent’s, their love, and their financial support.
So when you’re off at college, give your mom and dad a call every week. Take them out to dinner when you go home for some quality time.
Also, make an intentional effort to hang out with your siblings.
These are the people who have your back through thick and thin, so don’t ignore them when life’s good. It might be weird at first, but eventually you’ll cherish the time together because when you get older life gets busy and there’s less time to go around.
10. Treat people with kindness, everyone has their own problems.
You know a perfect person out there? There’s no such thing. Everyone is battling with a big or little issue in their walk of life—especially at 18 years old.
The prettiest girl in school might be severely depressed. The best athlete in the school might get physically abused at home by his dad. Or the kid with the perfect GPA has to perform under intense pressure to get an ounce of affection from his parents.
Not to mention the pain you can’t possible imagine that causes self-harm, eating disorders, or suicidal thoughts in your peers’ private hours.
There’s not a single person without dysfunction in their life. It’s a broken world.
Please don’t add to their problems. Instead, make their life easier with a kind act or words of encouragement.
They’ll feel loved and you’ll feel better about yourself in the process.
You can’t make the entire world a better place on your own, but you can improve the lives of those around you one by one.
11. Make the most out of your money even when you don’t have much.
In high school and even college my stupid mindset was, “Why make smart money decisions now, it’s not like I have much money anyway.” My friends held the same viewpoints as I, too.
What I missed out on is getting a head start with my money.
When my summer job and graduation money went towards Lacoste button downs, Ray-Ban sunglasses, and Jordans, it could have bought stock shares of Netflix, Amazon, and Facebook.
Those growth stocks with a mix of compound interest would have made me significantly richer. At the very least I could have saved it to pay down college debt or hold onto for a more forward-thinking purchase.
The lesson here is what financially doesn’t look like much as a teenager, can become the booster shot to a future of financial freedom you can’t even dream about at your young age.
Why wait to make solid decisions, you know?
12. Growth is 100% possible and comes from where you focus your energy.
Hey kid, you can grow in any direction you choose to. As a plant can grow wide or tall, you can in any quality of your life.
Want to be funnier, better at piano, more muscular, fitter, smarter, more energetic, better dressed, or any possible quality you can think of? Focus on it and progress is guaranteed to come.
The point is you’re not limited or stagnant in the person you are right now. You can develop in any area you choose. Take courage in the fact that you’re not stagnant.
It’s truly a human miracle that we can choose to grow in an area and actually make it happen.
13. Invest time to your mind, body, and spirit—you only get one of each.
It’s easy to only think as far as the weekend when you’re young. What’s better for you to realize is that life’s long and you only get one mind, body, spirit. Treat them right.
Just cause you don’t have an assigned book to read doesn’t mean you should never pick up a book again. The benefits of reading are second to none. Not to mention the moment you stop learning is when you stop living.
Just cause you’re done playing sports doesn’t mean you’re done working out the rest of the year, in college, and going forward. You can directly help your brain chemistry feel happier thoughts by working out.
Just cause you don’t have to go to church anymore since you’re in college, doesn’t mean it’s in your best interest to be spiritually bankrupt. Think about who is your creator and why did he create you?
Plus, the single best way to combat all the crap that life throws at you is to be mentally, physically, and spiritually strong. What isn’t a weakness internally, can’t be exploited externally.
14. Go work hard, and you won’t face regrets from things you could’ve controlled.
The luxurious life of relaxation as an 18-year-old with limited responsibilities is nice, until it catches up on you in the form of bad habits.
The college freshman who comes home from class and abuses their freedom by taking a three-hour nap every day is the same one frustrated about why they’re struggling to pass their classes. They regret not putting more time into studying.
That’s not it. They build the habit of needing a nap after any mental work so they come home from their first real world job at 22 and nap, but make no progress on their fitness goals. They regret not going to the gym more often.
Regret comes from knowing you could have done more but you didn’t put in the effort for some reason. I’m telling you the way to cut down on regret is to work extremely hard in all facets of life.
It’s much easier to dismiss things out of your control. But if your laziness contributed to a bad result, all the blame is on your shoulders. Why do that to yourself?
15. Your big ideas aren’t crazy, they’re creative.
The world is full of Negative Nancy’s who try to put your ideas down by calling you crazy.
What you need to learn is that only small people, or insecure friends, who are afraid of change will knock you for being creative. Don’t let them.
When they call you crazy, internalize that as a positive sign you’re being creative and thinking big.
Go out and try to create a human-looking robot. Design a new type of shoe that no one has ever thought of before. Or craft a rare recipe that goes against conventional cooking wisdom.
The world is your oyster to experiment with, as long as you enter the lab and get creative.
16. Life is long, have patience about reaching your goals.
Many young adults want to be a doctor, lawyer, pharmacist, teacher, now! They’re like let’s go already. I certainly felt that way.
The only problem is you’re at least 4 years away from doing what you actually desire to do as those positions require a college degree at least, and many times graduate degrees.
What’s the solution? Patience. It’s not what you want to hear but it’s what you need to hear.
All good things take time to prosper. You need more knowledge, experience, and maturity to navigate successfully in your career. If you started now, you’d fail mightily and be turned off forever from it maybe.
Plus, this build up time is often a lifesaver because it gives you time to find a career more suited for your desires.
I’m the perfect example of that. First dead set on being a corporate lawyer, I jumped the ship to become an entrepreneur. You can imagine how thankful I am for the time that allowed me to make that switch before it was too late.
17. Be grateful for everything you have.
Here’s a cold, hard fact: Your life is pretty great in comparison to many parts of this world.
Your perception will change when you realize millions of people would do anything for their own bed, a warm meal to eat every meal, or the opportunity to go to school.
If you’re like my 18-year-old self, you’re more worried about your social media likes than life’s basic needs.
Please, for the sake of yourself and the people around you, heed my advice to be grateful for everything you have.
Whether it’s in the morning, during the day, or before bed, I encourage you to thank God for a few things you’re grateful for.
This activity will help you stay balanced in today’s society and hold onto a peaceful equilibrium each day.
18. You choose your own happiness.
Happiness is what it’s all about right? Young adults like yourself chase sports, education, success, family, friendships, fame, money, exercising, and all areas of life for the ultimate goal of happiness.
But you don’t need to chase all of that to find what you’re looking for. Here’s the secret: Choose to be happy.
While it’s similar to the previous lesson on gratitude, it’s different in a sense.
It’s scientifically proven that humans can change their attitude to be happy. The sole act of attempting to be happy will help you become more joyful. Isn’t that wild?
Then when you couple this attitude with healthy decisions to surround yourself with people you enjoy, allow yourself to laugh at the odd elements of life, and focus on good things in your day, your life is happy.
This may be the greatest discovery in this list: Happiness is within your grasp at any second you choose.
P.S. The subtle hint behind all of these 18 lessons is to keep your head up. You’re going to turn out just alright. Trust me!
Life Tip: Never Take Anything Good For Granted
Have you ever had something really good in your life, until you took it for granted and lost it? What a horrible, miserable feeling, right? It’s the worst.
I know from experience.
My senior year of basketball still leaves a sour taste in my mouth thinking about it.
It’s strange though because it started out good, like really good.
After thousands of hours of insane dedication to practice my basketball craft and improve my shooting, dribbling, passing, defending, and rebounding, I reached a dream of mine: make the starting lineup for the St. Xavier Bombers varsity basketball team.
Not only that, my first game of the year couldn’t have been better considering I only played 14 minutes the entire game. The stat line below proves it.
And we won the game by 23 points. Everything is going smooth, until it wasn’t.
From the next game through the last game of the year it was all downhill.
Let me explain.
The Lost & Final Basketball Season
Let’s just say I was a different guy in high school. Now I’m all motivated and focused on building my businesses and leaving a legacy.
But the 18-year-old Brian was all about wreaking havoc and having a good time above all.
To express himself at school or during basketball team activities, he’d go as far as he could to toe the line of breaking the rules for pure laughs and excitement. Often he crossed the line.
Here are some of the reckless things I did during that basketball season:
- After receiving a hard foul when driving to the basket, I stayed on the ground and racked off 5 push ups before shooting foul shots
- On the bench during a pre-season game, I grabbed my phone and sent a tweet out to my Twitter followers explaining what I just did (tweeted during the game)
- Ruined team pictures by putting a 3 goggles sign on my thigh, so the school had to retake them a week later
- Stormed the refs locker room after a frustrating overtime loss when a bunch of questionable calls went against us
- Put a teammate in a headlock during a shoot around hours before a game
- And a lot more crazy stuff
That’s not close to all of the bad-boy moves.
I don’t know if you realize this, but it’s hard to play solid basketball and stay in the coaching staff’s good graces when you’re messing around whenever you can. It doesn’t work out well.
That’s why it’s to no shock looking back that I got suspended twice. The first time I had to sit out two quarters against our biggest rival. And then I was suspended a full week from the team later in the year.
Not to mention a bunch of other disciplinary issues and conflicts with coaches that I don’t have time nor want to discuss.
It all boils down to the fact that my antics sabotaged my final year of basketball.
After the season ended, the problem was I couldn’t go back in time to stay focused on basketball and give it my 100% again. That ship had sailed. The opportunity was gone.
So I had to, and now have to, live with regret when thinking back to that year and what could have been.
But regret about not appreciating the game of basketball isn’t the only thing I received from that experience. It’s the unforgettable lesson: never take anything good for granted.
Fortunately I learned this lesson at age 18, not 48.
Never Take It For Granted
Thanks to my failure that year, I developed a wiser perspective to appreciate the good things in my life.
So now I know never to take my work, my company, my clients, my health, my friends, my family, and life in general for granted. Regret is the worst feeling out there so I want to live in a way that eliminates it.
Where maybe if my senior year basketball season went smoother I’d never have learned the full extent of that lesson. Who knows? Maybe something far worse than a disappointing basketball season could have went down.
But because of the outcome I get to hold that experience in my back pocket going forward. I turned a scar into an advantage.
Although it’s always cool for me to flip negative experiences into positive ones, it’d be even better if I didn’t have to learn the hard way.
Truth is you don’t have to be a dummy like me.
I don’t know what your “it” is (I can guess it’s your family, friends, faith, career, pets, house, teachers, and country). I do know you need to never take it for granted if you want what’s best out of your life.
Also, don’t forget to appreciate the little things that come and go during the passing days.
It could be your peaceful commute to work where you’re alone with your thoughts. It could be the Monday morning cup of coffee you can afford without thinking about. Or it can be your place’s proximity to the beach that other people would kill to have.
Never taking life’s big and small gifts for granted is a big step to living the good life.
And there’s another reason to have this mindset: you don’t want to mess around with regret.
Regret Is Brutal, Eliminate It
Regret is the worst feeling out there in my opinion.
Sadness sucks but you can become happy again. Anger isn’t fun but you can eventually relax and get over it.
But regret, there’s no way to reverse it and recover. It sticks with you the rest of your life. That’s why it’s brutal.
Your only solution is to do your best job to eliminate it at all times by both being super grateful for what’s good in your life and staying focused to keep it going well.
If you are unappreciative and lose focus, there’s sometimes no going back from there. Your fate is often sealed once the moment ends.
I want my life to be filled with as little regret as possible. That’s part of the ingredients for a great life, in my humble opinion.
Don’t you agree? Please join me in this effort to never take anything good for granted.